Monday, September 23, 2013

Get Divorced!




By
Chris Newcomb, M.Div.


Life is never certain.  You take chances.  You hope for the best.  Sometimes things work out just as we plan.  Other times things go very wrong.  Most times, however, we can't predict the outcome before it arrives. 

Case in point: I have a friend whose spouse has to decided to file for divorce after more than a decade of marriage.   What's worse is this friend has a substance abuse issue that is not being cared for in recovery.  I was very saddened to hear this news.

Recently, my friend and I both suffered from insomnia on the same night.  We spent a little while texting back and forth to catch up on each others lives.  As they filled me in on the pending divorce, I found myself feeling sad.  I wanted to fix their marriage.  I felt powerless.  It wasn't my place to fix it even though I really wanted to do so. 

What amazed me as we texted back and forth was the fact that my friend was very clear that given the circumstances it was a great reason to 'chemically cope'.  However, my friend went on to say that getting plastered was not of any interest to them despite their current difficult circumstances.   This was good news to hear!

I am not an advocate of divorce nor do I try to judge those who have experienced it.  Life is complicated and there seems to be stronger shades of grey than blacks and whites in human relationships.  I do, however, suggest divorce in one particular instance every time: substance abuse.

Let me be clear, I am not saying that I encourage people to get divorced if one spouse is addicted to a substance.  Rather, what I am saying is that ANYONE who is addicted to a substance(s) needs to consider getting a 'divorce' from that substance.  It could literally save their lives!

The truth is that substance abuse is a relationship of sorts.  It starts out with the dopaminergic highs of attraction and flirtation.   It moves to connection and intimacy.  Finally, it settles into relationship.  That's when things start to go downhill.  It moves to conflict and ends up with irreconcilable differences. 

If you or someone you love is addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, it's time to get a divorce!  The marriage is over.  It's time to admit that you got into the wrong relationship and that the only way out is for you to leave.  Your partner is stubborn, obnoxious and a liar.  Why stay with that kind of partner?  Don't you want something more out of a relationship?

At The Coleman Institute, we are dedicated to helping people get clean and stay clean.  If you or someone you love needs to be detoxed from alcohol, opiates, benzos, Methadone, or Suboxone, please do not hesitate to call Jennifer Pius or Amy Stewart at 1-877-773-3869.  We are here for you! 

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