Monday, December 14, 2009

Dumping the Loser

Beth came in with her Mom for a follow up implant. Two months ago she’d gone through an Accelerated Opiate Detox from heroin. Several years earlier her sister had gone through an Utra-Rapid Detox with The Coleman Institute (we are no longer doing those).

Beth is smart and beautiful. She finished high school and was headed for college when heroin got in the way. She’d been extremely involved in her church and left that behind for a while.

Since her detox she’s signed up for school again and has become extremely active in a recovery program for young adults at her church. One pesky little problem she’s having is losing the boyfriend. I couldn’t help but point out to Beth the ‘victim’ language she was using during our visit.

Me: Are you still seeing Evan?
Beth: Yes.
Me: is he still using?
Beth: well, yes….some.
Me: why are you still hanging out with him?
Beth: I feel responsible that he’s on heroin. Before he met me he was just using pills, so I’m trying to help him by taking him to church meetings.
Me: So, he’s using heroin because of you, and you are absolutely positive this is true?
Beth: Well, maybe he’d have tried it with someone else if he hadn’t met me.
Me: You feel like you are responsible to help him, to save him?
Beth: Yes. He makes me feel guilty if I don’t hang out with him and take him to these meetings.
Me: No, you are choosing to feel that way. He can’t make you feel anything.
Beth: I guess so.
Me: how do you feel—in your gut—when you close your eyes and imagine going to his place, seeing him use, taking him to church.
Beth: my stomach goes into knots and my head aches. I feel like I’m shackled.
Me: And take a minute to imagine who you would be if you could let go of the thought that “I am responsible for Evan’s recovery”…
She was quiet for several minutes. When she opened her eyes, they were teary, but she was smiling...
Beth: I’d be free. I’d be hanging out with fun people and laughing a lot. I’d be making plans to go to college.

Clearly, it’s time for Beth to be that person; to believe the truths that set her free, and not the lies that shackle her. We’ll see where Beth is in two months when she returns for her next implant. Hopefully she’ll be examining her beliefs daily and dumping the ones that no longer serve her.

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